The city of brotherly love and sisterly affection may know better than any other city that there are all kinds of relationships, and all kinds of love affairs. But, the somewhat taboo relationship between a sugar daddy and sugar baby maybe one of the least respected and understood relationships out there.
In 2017 Merriam Webster dictionary named ‘Feminism’ as the word of the year, and along with the #MeToo movement in the headline news you wouldn’t think that rich and powerful middle-aged men spoiling young and beautiful women in exchange for companionship and intimacy would be very popular let alone socially acceptable.
Well, think again because in the same world there’s also a movement of women reemerging who want to be taken care of and love having a strong, confident, and old school man at their side and quite frankly, are OK with the relationship not ending in marriage.
Welcome to the World of Sugar Dating
As a commodities investor heading into my mid 40’s and mostly confined to work in my old city apartment in Philly, and occasional hotel rooms, I realized that I was missing something, or someone. Recently I came to the realization that my grey hair and less than perfect body I’ve earned from years sitting at a desk wasn’t going to earn me my ideal woman.
I decided I couldn’t just remain holed up forever hoping to run into “Mrs. Right” while standing in the vegetable section thumping melons. And, at this point in my life marriage wasn’t really on my mind. What was on my mind, was to have someone special around when I want the company, is necessary to keep my spirits up and my mojo flowing.
I needed to get out of my funk and force myself out there, so I started by trying out a couple of bars only to find myself feeling completely out of place among the younger millennial crowd. I retreated back to my cold and lonely apartment and called up my investor buddy, Brian, to see if he wanted to get a drink. That’s when he told me all about his escapades as a sugar daddy.
At first, I scoffed at him and his almost whimsical stories of dating drop-dead gorgeous college girls that reportedly swooned over him. “Yeah right dude, you know they’re just gold diggers after your money,” I jadedly responded. “Whoa Steve, he tells me, I’m not marrying any of these women, and they know it, they simply want a mature guy like me to make them feel good and flip the bill. What’s the big deal?” That’s when my outlook on this once outlandish concept started to change.
“Look, you’re an older guy who likes younger girls. Who can blame you? Everyone has a right to an opinion, and a preferred, right?”
These days you’ve got better things to do than go out till the late hours of the morning, at a venue where the music’s so loud you can’t hear yourself think. Plus with all your responsibilities at work, not being “switched-on” the following day could cost you.
Plus let’s face it, even if you did go out to the bars and clubs where younger girls spend their nights, are you really going to succeed? Competing with guys their age in that setting is not playing to your strengths, and alcohol never leads to good decision making, yet you could be her best choice – even if she doesn’t know it yet.
Arrangement dating flips this narrative on its head. It’s the only setting where older guys are the MOST desirable, regardless of the girl’s age. These girls appreciate your life experience and the fact you’re working a proper job with some cash at your disposal, unlike most of the guys their age.
That’s where this site I’ve been using called Secret Benefits comes in. You can meet younger girls, in a non-awkward way. The best part is all the girls on there want a mutual arrangement, so you can both be upfront about your needs and figure out a mutually beneficial relationship. The hard work has been done for you. Go home, get some sleep, and give it a try tomorrow. You can thank me later. That’s how my new journey into the sugar dating world started.
Investigating The Dynamics of the Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby
Before getting on the site to try it out for myself, I decided it would be best that I look into sugar dating further before I get into something I’ve never done before. The amount of articles out there on the subject took a lot of sorting through, but in a nutshell there are the people who don’t see it as a moral issue and there are those that do.
There are always going to be opposing ends to all subjects with a little controversy, so I decided that there is no better way to find out how I feel about it than jumping right in, or dip my toe into the sugar bowl, as I’ve heard my buddy say.
After a streamlined and quick sign-up on secretbenefits.com, I went to their blog to see what both sides are all about.
This is what I took away from the sugar daddy perspective:
You don’t have to be rich to be a sugar daddy as it’s more about her financial situation and what you both want and need out of the relationship.
You don’t have to be good looking to be intimate and share companionship with young, hot girls. Many of the old school dating rules are reversed. Women come to you, you screen and vet them, older guys tend to be the most successful, and your looks are not as relevant.
Dating a sugar baby is much more transparent than traditional dating. There is no dancing around expectations. You set the rules and spell out exactly what you are looking for in a woman and in a relationship.
You are not going to waste your time or money on someone that is looking for something you’re not. Let’s face it, we all have picked up the tab at dinners and drinks to only find out you are both not on the same page. With sugar dating the guesswork is taken out before you ever meet.
Your sugar baby may be rough on the pocketbook. Some may not ask for much, but many expect to be wined and dined and even pay for schooling, and no, it’s not tax deductible.
You may find yourself falling in love. Just don’t let yourself go there. Yes, she may be the girl of your dreams, but she’s most likely got big dreams and they don’t necessarily include you.
You could get catfished. Some sugar daddies have made the mistake of sending gifts off to sugar babies they never met. That’s why Secret Benefits takes the identity verification process so seriously.
If you’re planning to run for office or have a high profile status (don’t forget the Weiner scandal) having a current or past sugar baby may not look so good on the resume.
As far as the sugar baby perspective goes this is what I was able to gather:
You get to set your boundaries. Your profile spells out exactly what you are and are not willing to do. This is normally understood and respected before you ever meet in person.
Your self-confidence explodes knowing you are dating a man that adores you and wants to spoil you. Worrying about finances or paying for school can be a thing of the past.
You could get to travel the world and get a taste of the glamorous life. Dreaming of exotic destinations or 5-star hotels and Michelin restaurants can become a reality.
Being with a mature man will leave you both physically and emotionally satisfied. There are many reasons why so many women love silver foxes.
He may have a wandering eye. If you’re the jealous type this may not be the dating scene for you.
Your relationship is most likely temporary. Although some arrangements are long term. The chances are he’s not looking for marriage or a live in girlfriend.
Showing off your sugar daddy to your friends and family will most likely not be a good idea. No one wants to be judged and you don’t want to explain your relationship to the folks.
If you’re strong willed and used to being in charge you may be disappointed. Most sugar daddies are used to calling the shots in their lives, so they most often are not going to be negotiating with you.
Mutually Beneficial Relationships
Surprisingly the more I looked into sugar dating and experienced it for myself I found it has little to do with sex and money. After all, there’s a reason why there are still escorts.
Instead, I found that the relationships can be much more fulfilling and dynamic than one might first think. I went out a few times with a really beautiful and intelligent young lady named Kara that’s been going to Temple College, and has dated a few sugar daddies over the years. I asked about her experience, and she basically went on to explain that it began as a means to an end to pay for her schooling.
“Being a sugar baby was never something I considered until I started looking at going to school here in the city. It just wasn’t going to happen unless I was up to my ears in debt…that I most likely would struggle to pay off for the rest of my life, so I knew about the concept of sugar dating and gave it a try. I’ve dated all kinds, from investor guys to doctors and lawyers, and even an ex-pro athlete, but it was never about one-night stands. If the subject ever came up, I just said thanks but no thanks. If I want to sleep with someone it still has to be because I’m attracted to them.”
I almost felt like she was warning me even though we were just going out for a dinner date and drinks.
“Like you must have seen on my profile, I’m trying to pay for my schooling and I’m not interested in any kind of sexual relationship. Of course, guys try sometimes, my profile is not going to deter them all from asking, but that’s why almost everyone asks what the other is looking for before we ever meet.”
“Since I started dating sugar daddies I’ve been able to cover nearly 40 grand in school expenses, and I’ve been able to go to a few really cool places too, but my schooling always comes first, so I can’t always just jet set which has ended a few of my sugar daddies contacting me again, but hey, I can’t sacrifice immediate gratification for my future.”
I was really taken aback by Kara, and although we only went out a few times she really left an impression on me.
For the past 6-months or so I’ve been seeing a really sweet and attractive artist named Abby. What a bombshell she is. Looks, brains, and a bubbly personality that makes everyone smile.
Our relationship has been the most fulfilling I’ve had since I can remember. We have a great time together whenever we go out and I love having her stay over with me. Yes, I have agreed to pay for her studio and help support her art classes and supplies, but it’s nothing in exchange for her uplifting and quirky energy that brings so much joy to my life.
Society may not entirely agree that sugar daddies and sugar babies are socially normal or acceptable for that matter, but the truth is mutually beneficial relationships have existed since the beginning of time. Would it be great that all women could comfortably support themselves and their dreams and not need a man to help out?
Clearly the answer is yes, of course it would, yet this is not a reality for all young adults, and when they are put up against the odds of poverty and higher education, a life of scraping by and a lifestyle that gives them confidence and self-worth, who are we to judge?
It’s no wonder after all that there are both young men and women in need of support and companionship in a world where just getting by is a harsh reality for the greater majority of the population, and if there is a way to bring these people together in a mutually beneficial relationship then why not?
As expected, sugar dating and the advantages of using a site like Secret Benefits are not seen by all who might want to judge from the distance, but at the end of the day sugar dating benefits all parties involved as long as there is respect and consideration for each other. It brings people joy and companionship, and it helps others achieve their life goals providing a light at the end of the road in an otherwise harsh reality.