It sounds like a plot from a movie, doesn’t it?
Trying to win back your ex after a bad (possibly really nasty) break up may not sound like a good idea. Most people will probably try to tell you to just forget the relationship and move on. But what if you know that you can make things right? What if the romantic in you is saying that you can make things work better the second time around?
The good news? It is totally possible to rekindle your relationship and get back together.
The bad news? It’s going to require a little bit of hard work from your part.
And it’s not the kind of hard work that you were exerting when you first started going out. This time around, you need to practice self-control. We’re talking about staying away from your ex and focusing on yourself to win her back.
To help you get started on the right track, here are some top mistakes that you should avoid when dealing with her.
Mistake # 1: Calling And Texting Your Ex
Think sending an “innocent” message to your ex or “accidentally” bumping into her during yoga class will make her want you back? Think again.
Consistently being present in your ex’s life is a surefire way to annoy her. You need to give her time and space. Distance yourself and allow her to miss you. This means no texting, no random messages on Facebook, no showing up on her apartment. Take at least a month to control and calm yourself. This is a good opportunity to focus on your own life instead of thinking about your ex all the time.
As dating expert Chris Calo explains, romantic love is like an addiction, and you need to temporarily break that addiction if you want to move on. Clearly, this will not be easy, which is why it’s essential for you to follow the next steps if you want to succeed.
Mistake #2: Staying In Bed All Day, Everyday
A heartbreak might want to make you skip work, stay in bed, watch B-movies all day, and occasionally stalk your ex on social media. Take it from me, that’s not a good plan. You can probably take a day or two to be sad. But anything more than that is going to make things worse for you.
You need sunshine. You need movement.
One of the best things that can make it easier for you to move on is to focus on improving yourself. One way of doing this is to spend more time in the gym. Lift weights. Run. Join a Zumba class, if that’s your thing. Exercise is known to help boost mood. Plus, if you really make a commitment, you will see inspiring changes in your health and physical appearance that can help boost your confidence. When you just came from a break up, you need every little thing that can help boost your confidence.
Mistake #3: Doing The Things You Used To Do With Your Ex
Now that you are single, you have the precious opportunity to finally focus your time, attention, and energy on things that you really want to pursue. No need to please anyone, no need to set aside money for dates, no need to spend so much time doing things you don’t really enjoy.
This is the best time to pick up a new hobby or re-learn something that you’ve forgotten when you were in a relationship. Focus on something that will help you improve yourself. This is the perfect opportunity to show your ex that you are a balanced and well-rounded person (though that is not the primary goal, of course.)
This is also the perfect opportunity for you to reconnect with old friends and to meet other people, which brings me to my next point…
Mistake #4: Not Dating Other People
It wouldn’t hurt if you try and meet other people now. In fact, you should try to go on dates. It may sound counter-intuitive but when your ex sees that you are not too available, she will more likely realize your value, that’s just how the scarcity principle works.
Of course, don’t try to commit to anything serious yet. Just do something for fun. You might even want to try an online dating app like Tinder. But try to make it clear to the other person that you are not looking for anything serious. That’s simply of the kind of complication that you need.
Mistake #5: Being Mean To Your Ex
Not paying attention to your ex is different from being mean. Going out of your way to make her life difficult will probably just affirm that she doesn’t want to be with you anymore. The best strategy is to act as if she doesn’t exist. This mindset allows you to put more focus on your life instead of wasting your energy on her.
It’s hard to look away when you have common friends or if you go to the same office. You can’t just turn off your feelings, right? But if you focus your energy on yourself and on the life you have outside of that relationship, then it will be so much easier for you.
Mistake #6: Not Changing Anything
So, everything went smoothly? Congratulations on getting your ex back.
Now, here is where the real work begins. You actually need to change and improve your relationship if you want things to be better. You don’t want to break up again in a few months, do you? Make sure you both understand what went wrong in the past. Maybe you need to have a long talk about what needs to change to make the relationship work this time around.