They say it’s a man’s world, and most of the year we think they’re right, but Swagger’s
Women of 2013 might just prove otherwise. It’s time to salute the women who made
2013 tick, if you have contenders that didn’t make the cut, let us know, we’d be happy to
put out a readers choice edition!
The best sense of humor attached to the most self-aware it-girl to come out of Hollywood
since Lauren Becall. Wrap all that up in a smokin’ bod and Jennifer Lawrence is exactly
what America wants in a girlfriend. Whether she’s scrapping in a twitter war with Joan
Rivers, nabbing the Oscar, starring in a teenage money-printing franchise or flirting with
Jack Nicholson in front of the entire planet, 2013 has been Miss Lawrence’s to command.
Sometimes America has to be reminded how much it likes its apple pie, and Kate Upton
is that shock to the system. The world’s empress of big-chested blonds, Upton is the
female embodiment of the Detroit muscle car, with curves that take up more space in
our imaginations than money, cars and football put together. She’s got a smile that could
make you forget your family, and this year’s Easter Bunny Youtube video could raise
anybody from the dead.
Maybe a bit of a dark horse on this year’s list, but if anybody is showing signs of
exploding in 2014, it’s Miss Neal. If you’re in the UK you’ve already heard plenty about
the page three Californian import who does yoga sessions that could make a grown
men weep for joy. She is springtime in the dead of winter, a perfect alchemy of charm,
happiness, and a body that could single handedly make clothes a thing of the past. We’re
ready to surrender Nicole, just tell us where to sign up.
If Hanna Montana on methamphetamines isn’t exactly your cup of tea you could easily
be forgiven, but there’s no denying that Miley chewed up 2013 and spit it back out in
her image. Whether she’s a product of producers or her own girl doing whatever takes
her fancy we might never know, but with half the world’s holding their breath for a
breakdown and the other half left scratching their heads about whether or not to be turned
on, the impact is not up for debate. Miley ads a new heavy chapter about pop culture,
sexuality, feminism, consumerism, and the relevancy of the music video. It might make
for some strange reading, but it’s a page turner for the ages.
Superbowl headliner – Check. Release an album out of the blue with zero pre-emptive
fanfare that still sells as fast as they can stock it – Check. Be a cultural force of nature
for more than a decade and still Beyonce is so bloody successful illuminati conspiracies
actually start to make sense. She’s married to an owner of the Nicks, BFF’s with the first
family, and still a fashion trendsetter that’s been on top long enough now that she’ll be
remembered in history. Not too shabby for a Austin Powers sidekick.