Let me just say it straight: Yes. Nice guys do finish last.
And the folly is that nice guys all around think that being nice is enough.
That is how they end up not getting the girl and start lamenting that the “bad boy” is the one scoring with chicks.
Then they start to wonder why they aren’t getting the girl. They can’t understand what is it they’re doing wrong.
Look, there’s nothing wrong with being nice. But nice isn’t enough in the dating game.
You need to start unleashing your true self with proper communication and attraction. Let me lay it out in a bunch of simple, digestible steps.
1) Know that it’s not about nice guy versus bad boy
It’s weak versus strong.
Whoever appears the strongest and is able to communicate that strength will get the girl.
People are attracted to confidence and strength. That’s a given.
And attraction is not a choice. People feel what they feel.
2) Hence, nobody really cares if you’re truly nice or bad
Again, girls want to see that strength in you, or rather, they need to see that strength in order to be attracted to you.
Think about it. How can they know you for who you really are deep down upon meeting you for the first time? They are not mind readers. Nobody is.
If you think that being nice is enough and then expect her to somehow find out about that niceness, much less be attracted to it, you’re sorely mistaken.
Girls aren’t going to know anything about you, good or bad without you communicating it.
3) Be nice, but don’t ever choose to finish last
The idea of nice guys finishing last is honestly bullshit. It’s a weak conclusion guys come up with in order to make themselves feel better and to try to understand why they don’t succeed in getting the girl.
I remember a good friend of mine whining to me about how his crush was not responding. He ended with, “And I’m such a good person bro. I give what money I can spare to the homeless.”
He was expecting me to validate him.
Forget that. You can be nice. That’s a good asset. But that doesn’t mean you should settle for anything less than what you think you deserve in life.
Don’t choose to finish last. Believe in yourself. You can get what you want in life if you work hard for it and simply try.
4) Stop worshipping the ground she walks on
I see this in a lot of my “nice” guy friends.
They like the girl. They have no clue on how to win her over. They barely know her. And yet they look up to her as if she’s some perfect angel or something.
This is when they start to do favours for her and become a yes man, that is, if they even dare to get to know her in the first place. This is also when they listen to her cry about her douchebag of a boyfriend.
Then they lament that they’ve been Friendzoned.
5) Learn to stand up for yourself
Remember this now and forever: No girl will fall for a guy she does not respect.
Stick by your values and stand up for yourself. Being nice doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover.
Say no when you have to. Don’t pay for things you aren’t comfortable with. Don’t wait around like a dog if she’s perpetually late. Scold her when she’s being an unreasonable bitch.
Heck, date other girls!
6) You need to go all out to show that strength and good side of yours
The problem with nice guys, and well nice people everywhere in fact is that they think being nice is enough to get what they want in life.
I know I sound like a broken record, but again, being nice is not enough.
If you want something in life, don’t sit on your butt and expect things to come because of good “karma” or whatever.
If you want something, go for it.
So if you want the girl, do everything it takes to win her over.
Being nice doesn’t mean you look good. Dress up. Exercise. Get in shape. Shave. Trim. Stand up right.
Having nice stories to tell means nothing if you can’t speak well. Don’t mumble. Don’t slur. Don’t speak too fast.
Being nice also doesn’t mean you’re popular. She’s not going to know who you are if you’re always shy and avoiding her. Talk to her. Ask her out.
You want her? Aim for first place.
Alden Tan is a breakdancer and writer who writes about honest and real stories at his blog. He hates the self-help world because it’s filled with fluff and crap. Check out his free book, 12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F**k About!