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The Five Cocktails of Christmas Swagger

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The Five Cocktails of Christmas Swagger

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Fix the drinks for the holiday season

There is a segment, and what we estimate is a healthy segment, of our readership
that will never step outside their comfort zone when it comes to their cocktail du
jour. Maybe you’re happy to be drinking the same G and T as your father before you,
or maybe you discovered the Rye and Coke in high school and never looked back.
Much respect brothers, but even if you aren’t the kind of guy that can tell a Mint
Julip from a Tom Collins, there’s gonna come a time, around the holidays as likely as
not, where a woman of some quality is going to ask you to fix her something “nice”
while you’re up. It is for this reason we read men’s magazine articles like this one,
and the good men at Swagger were happy to test drive these recipes for the good of
the piece. We came up for air with the five best Christmas cocktails we could find,
use them responsibly, but, you know, not too responsibly.

#5. Brandy Alexander

1 and ½ part Brandy
1 part Dark crème de Cacao
1 part Heavy Cream
Nutmeg to taste

Though it’s traditionally shaken for single servings, this gentleman caller is best
served in a punch bowl, and it’s classy enough to be fed to family and friends in the
sort of “drinking but not “drinking” drinking capacity. It’s heavy on the wholesome/
festive vibe and goes almost criminally well with gingerbread. If you want to pry
Grandma’s dirty jokes out of her, introduce her to Mr. Alexander.

#4. Mimosa

1 part Champagne (or sparkling white, if you want to be a dick about it)
2 parts Orange Juice
A splash of triple sec

You’re not going to find a more simple recipe for anything else on this list, but the
Mimosa’s got a few things going for it that make it a good trick to keep under you
belt. It’s got, ostensibly, vitamins from fruit juice, which makes it a viable breakfast
for those of us that want to stay slightly toasted for an entire segment of the holiday
season. Thanks to it’s color and smell it can be consumed by you and your better
half clandestinely, because there’s some family members who can’t be convinced it’s
always happy hour on Christmas.

#3. A Strawberry Red

1 part Red Wine
1 part Sprite
In a tall glass filled with chopped strawberries.

If you’ve got someone at the table who doesn’t like strong red wine, but still wants
something to compliment the food, grab a cutting board and raid the fridge for
some strawberries double quick. It looks pretty fancy for the time it takes, and it’s
one of those cocktails that tastes completely unlike what you’d expect (in a good
way we mean). The Swagger team liked it best with a Pinot Grigio, but, you know,
whatever’s lying around will probably do.

#2. Candy Cane

1 part “Berry” Vodka
1 part Peppermint Schnapps
1 part White Crème de Cacao
½ part Geradine
Heavy Cream to taste
Crushed peppermint candy

Rim your glass with the crushed candy and pour the already mixed booze on in, then
top it off with some cream. There’s a class of cocktails that simply are not becoming
of a man of Swagger to consume exactly, but nevertheless inspire a certain level
of indulgence in the gentler sex almost across the board. The Candy Cane is chief
among them. Putting this drink together is going to feel a little like writing your
LSATS in a strip club, but if it’s a level of difficulty nod you’re after, this is the way
to go. We’re assured it tastes like cheap lipstick on a fun date looks, just don’t let
anybody catch you on camera bringing it out.

#1 Mistletoe Martini

1 ½ parts Gin
1 part Lemonade
2 parts Cranberry Juice

There’s no neat way to put it, Gin is God’s perfect panty peeler, and this is the trick
that’s going to rev the engines on a deal you’ve already sealed (we’re pretty sure
we’ve had these from shooter girls before). It’s classy, it’s quick, it’s strong but not
too strong, and it’s exactly the nightcap all those Rat Pack Christmas albums were
talking about. Time to deck the halls, you dog you.

Interested in more Cocktails and Bar Secrets? Click Here!

Written by Jeremy P Beal

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