Recently, a few very important women around me taught me some valuable lessons. I’m sharing these lessons to remind and show fellas how to appreciate the ladies in their life. Having strong females in your corner is indispensable. And not just in intimate relationships, but in business, family, or a circle of friends.
We have to admire their strength and their ability to provide unique perspectives. It’s inspiring. On the flip side, it can be difficult to know what women are thinking and what they want from us.
Life would be easier if they just told us, right? I’m not entirely sure about that, but I had to learn the hard way so that, hopefully, you don’t have to.
To all the ladies – Although it doesn’t seem like it, we do try our best, at the time, with what we have. Sometimes, we simply fall short. As men, I know we can and should do better.
So here are those lessons I learned while battling it out in the trenches.
How to create better relationships with women
Lesson #1: Show, don’t tell
Actions over words. Always. False promises are not a good look. Believe me. Showing her that you appreciate her by doing rather than saying, will not go unnoticed (here, we can use some positive reinforcement, ladies). If it’s a girlfriend, treat her like you did on those first few dates when you were constantly trying to impress her. A family member? Show them that you support their dreams without judgement. Ask them how you can help. Simple words of encouragement and being there as someone she can rely on, can go a long way.
Lesson #2: Empathize
Acknowledge and share in her feelings. You’d be surprised how easy it is to diffuse a situation just by showing someone you understand how they feel. More often than not, it’s the emotions behind the words that cause frustration and conflict. Showing that you understand those feelings, will instantly get you on the same wavelength as her.
Lesson #3: Apologize genuinely
The second you realize you’ve messed up, apologize for it – and be genuine. Take time to reflect on what caused it, don’t just make it seem like a senseless reaction. If you agree that you could’ve handled it better, admit it. Verbalize it. If you don’t, then just say so – it’s not worth faking. Just frickin’ talk about it. Simple communication can be very constructive and a genuine apology can be magical. Just be careful not to dilute your apologies by over-using them. Remember, words will only get you so far. Every girl has her limit on apologies.
Lesson #4: Be calm in communication
As difficult as it is, and personally one of my biggest hurdles, controlling your emotions during disagreements is key. We tend to say very hurtful things when we’re angry. Things we may not always mean. The problem is, although you don’t necessarily mean those things, they cannot be unsaid. Take a walk, cool down if you have to. Then go back to it. Maintain respect for each other and get to a place of calm communication. It’ll be far more productive than a yelling match. I guarantee that.
Lesson #5: Do what you say
Keeping the promises you make, not only to the people around you, but to yourself, will propel your relationships forward. Your self-confidence immediately goes up. And we’re all at our best when we have confidence in ourselves. When we deliver on our promises, it builds trust. To yourself and to everyone else. Your word means something and she sees it. When you say you’re going to do something, you do it. So when you give your word or make a promise, keep it. No matter how small and regardless who’s listening – especially if it’s just you.
Lesson #6: Do not attempt to fix her problem, unless she asks
As men, it’s our natural instinct to hear a problem and try to solve it (sorry ladies, we just can’t help ourselves). It took me a while to learn this, but it turns out that when women come to you to talk about their problem or challenge, they just want you to listen. Not to fix it. So unless asked, just shut up, pay close attention and listen. The end.
Lesson #7: Compliment her
Let’s not kid ourselves, we all love compliments. And not just physical ones. It’s nice when someone notices small traits and characteristics, and then mentions it. It shows you’re paying attention and reinforces wanting to be and do more of it. So don’t just stop at the physical – find other things to compliment her on and do it frequently.
Without personally going through my experiences with some incredible, strong women, I’m not sure the lessons would have stuck. And oftentimes we don’t realize how impactful a woman is to our life until we lose her.
So, if you do happen to have an important woman in your life, make sure you don’t. Show her you’re grateful and that you cherish, respect and appreciate her.