It’s a sentiment oft-repeated, but its veracity remains unshaken. Yes, the pandemic has changed everything. Assimilation to our challenging new norms has been an unavoidable task for virtually everyone. And while these changes have been burdensome, many of us were able to complete them. No matter how demanding a shift in our day-to-day life can be, if it’s a necessity, we know it’s possible. It’s proof that many of us can implement change.
Poor dating habits can be tough to break as well. But, just like the sustained customs we’ve had to shutter for life during the pandemic, our dating patterns can surely be fine-tuned for better prospects.
“Subconscious thoughts make up 95 percent of our actions. Negative ones have a harmful impact on everything in your life, including your dating patterns,” says Vanessa Ringel, spiritual psychologist, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) expert, and founder of Gravitās. “If you haven’t met your significant other yet, there’s a reason why this is happening. Once you investigate your subconscious and become aware of the negative dating patterns that hinder you, manifesting positive dating prospects becomes much easier. It takes inspired action and clarity of what you want in a significant other. If you do this, finding the perfect partner may not happen immediately or the way you think it should, but you’ll be well on your way.” Gravitās assists potential romantic suitors in finding significant others. Gravitās helps clients manifest different results in their lives by eliciting subconscious patterns and shifting them. Here are four common dating patterns that often lead suitors astray.
- Judging Too Quickly
Ultra-quick judgment has become a widespread dating habit. Suitors may have certain requirements for their potential partners and within mere seconds of meeting someone new, they’ve already mentally passed on them. “Sometimes the best daters aren’t the best partners, and likewise, the best partners aren’t always the best daters. My husband wasn’t exactly an amazing “dater” at first. He was shy and quiet on our first date,” says Vanessa. “But, I followed the advice we give our clients. Unless the person is completely repulsive, give them three dates! By the end of the second date, my future husband became funny, cool, and confident— he was so different! I asked him what changed ? He told me he was simply too nervous on the first date because he reallyyy liked me.”
- The Visual is the Most Important
Whether it be societal pressures or potentially toxic beauty norms seen in film or commercials, some romantic suitors may subconsciously cultivate unrealistic beauty standards for potential partners. From Vanessa’s years as a professional Matchmaker, she found that men in particular tend to be very visually oriented in their choices, more so than women.
While it’s important for men to feel attracted, sometimes getting too narrow to a specific look can be limiting. “One of my clients is a self-made billionaire. He’s super cool, sweet and smart— the ultimate catch. But he had this unfortunate dating pattern of falling for mean-spirited women who would bully him,” Vanessa Ringel recalls. “It was fascinating because he is so well-respected in his professional life. Eventually, we realized past trauma from his school days had led to this subconscious desire for women who mistreated him. Additionally, he was only interested in tall, thin, blonde, and modelesque partners. His best friend happened to be a short and curvy brunette, and although she was pretty, he only thought of her as a friend. During one of our sessions, he got really clear on what he wanted emotionally in a partner. He eventually realized his best friend was the love of his life, eschewing his past superficial physical requirements.”
It’s important to think of the intangibles your potential partner could possess. Think about how you want to feel when you’re with your partner. Consider your partner’s qualities, values, and essence. Give those intangible attributes more priority than their physical appearance. After all the looks will fade and you’ll end up with the real person inside. .
- Not Knowing What Makes You Great
A typical complaint from suitors is disappointment in attracting women only interested in their money or level of success. Many of these professionals oftentimes subconsciously allude to their wealth in order to impress. If your money or success is what you “lead with” on dates or in relationships, invariably you will continue attracting partners who are interested in those characteristics. We are all showing who we are all the time, and people are being to drawn to how we portray ourselves. Think about what sides do you show of yourself on dates?
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Vanessa Ringel says, “What makes you worthy is your values and character. I would ask yourself what makes you a great partner. I doubt it’s your degrees or finances. Learn what you and your friends love about you Maybe even ask them, authentically what they love most about you. Trust me it won’t be your accolades. That’s what you want to lead with on dates. If you lead with shallow things, you will attract shallow people.”
- Taking Rejection too Personally
“Rejection is part of the deal, you can expect around 80% on average according to an OKCupid study and it’s probably higher than that these days,” Vanessa Ringel reminds us. “The girl who’s rejecting you, even she’s been rejected. It’s important not to take it personally.”
Putting yourself out there takes courage. Rejection may damper your spirits or discourage you from approaching someone else, but it’s crucial you remember that dating involves a huge amount of rejection.
And despite what you may think, oftentimes the problem really isn’t you. A plethora of obstacles can come up between two potential partners. Gravitās assures us of one thing, “If you continue to put yourself out there in an authentic way, finding your perfect partner will happen eventually, it’s only a matter of time.” We are not for everyone, therefore by being authentic you will naturally select the one who is right for you. “Trying to be anything other than yourself is a waste of everyone’s time”.
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Love is closer than you think.