5 Ways to Flaunt your Swagger

Having expendable income isn’t the only way to measure success for a man of swagger, but it sure is one way to measure it, and for those of us fortunate to have accumulated some serious capital, it’s only natural to want to move it around.  Swagger brings you 5 of the most lavish extravagances at which to throw your money at, because the fruits of your toil can never be too sweet.  You got it baby, flaunt it.

 

#5. Your Vacation

The World is Yours, and now that you’ve conquered it, you should see what it has to offer.  If you’re after all the bright lights and attention your money can buy, you should book a few nights in a Sky Villa at the Palms in Vegas (provided you can bump a famous rapper’s existing reservation). It’s got a Jacuzzi roughly the size of a tennis court, a glass elevator, your own personal butler, and enough room for 250 friends, neighbors and “hangers-on” to associate together comfortably.  As if that wasn’t enough, tack on a rotating bed and a see-through shower, and you’ve got a fortress designed exactly for the sort of sex that would make Led Zepplin blush… but where oh where are you gonna find a sexual partner in Vegas?

 

#4. The Hunt

Ethics Shmethics, you’re at the top of the top of the food chain, and you feel like shooting something. You’ve got the stomach, you’ve got the cash, it’s time to make like Ernest Hemingway and kill yourself some of the largest land mammals we’ve got left. It’s enough to make Sarah Palin shit her pantsuit. The hunting consortium (http://www.huntingconsortium.com/hunt-elephant.htm) is ready to help you travel back to the birthplace of humanity and kill something that would have terrorized our Neanderthal forefathers. Lions, Cheetahs, Elephants, revenge is sweet.

 

#3. Your Ride

There are no end of choices when it comes to cars that’ll give put you ahead of the pack, and if you’re willing to break the bank, there really are no wrong answers either.  However, might we suggest something that’ll impress the shit out of your buddies and attract any lady with a sense of humour.  It’s a bitch to park, it sucks gas like a Sherman tank, but nobody, anywhere, will ever cut you off in traffic. Rent yourself a monster truck. Live every redneck’s wet dream and get bonus points when you step out of the cab dressed to kill.  Almost every city has somebody that’s renting them out, or selling one for bail money, so now’s your chance!

 

#2. Your Timepiece

That’s it right, you may not be able to pull off diamond earrings no matter how much bank you’re packing, but anybody with a wrist can wear a watch, and you can go way over-the-top without looking gawdy.  Swagger’s already listed some serious hardware in this department, but might we further suggest the Breitling Bentley Mulliner Tourbillon? If we had Pharaohs in 2012, this is how they would tell time.  This is a very expensive, moving work of art you can wear. There’s more expensive watches out there, but this one gets you in the club nicely.  It also goes very well with its vehicle namesake, so swing by the dealership when you have a minute.

 

#1. Your Grub

The most expensive place to grab a bite in NYC, and therefore high in the running for most expensive the world over, is Masa in the Time Warner Center. It boasts three Michelin stars (that’s a perfect score baby), the same wine list they have in heaven, and food so good you’ll actually want to freeze time. This restaurant isn’t for celebrities, it’s for the illuminati, so dress nice. You can run up a tab that would make Mr. Trump want to dine-and-dash, but you’re getting what you pay for, and there’s no better place to eat anywhere. The best part of all is that Mr. Masa, the emperor of cuisine running the show, started off as a goddamn dishwasher.  That means, my friend, when you’re finally sitting down at his table, the two of you will have something in common, you’ve come a long way. Call ahead about getting valet for your monster truck.

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