Breakup with Swagger
ADVERTISEMENT

Sailun Tires

It’s like the country song says, “it was good while it lasted but it’s gone”. Even if you’re dating the worst woman on the face of the planet, there is a special kind of dread that comes along with calling it quits. At best it’s hard to say “goodbye”
to somebody you’ve shared a bunch of your life, both good and bad, with, and at worst you’re worried she’s going to burn all your stuff and get her ‘roid rage brother to drive his pickup through the window of your place of work. But either way, when you want out, it’s a thing that must be done.

In some ways it’s very much like ripping off a band-aid; the best way to do it quick and decisive, but quickly and decisively is all to often mistaken for callously and cowardly. It’s how we deal with the tough situations in our lives that we’re judged, and anybody who’s giving you high fives after you dump your girlfriend over
Twitter isn’t the sort of person a man of Swagger would want to be seen with. No, breaking up is hard to do, and apart from the inherent freedom there’s not a lot of good that comes with it, but if you’re willing to be honest, to the point and mindful of your newly minted ex’s feelings, you can do damage control that can help you
avoid making a painful situation a whole lot worse. The men and women at Swagger
have put together a list of the most important points to keep in mind when you’re
cutting ties that you won’t find in any other Men’s Magazines, because there’s lots of
ways to do it wrong, no matter how you’re approaching the problem, and behaving
like a gentleman is never as easy as it sounds.

#5 Honesty is the Best Policy

Are you bored? Is there someone else? Do you just not see it going anywhere? Are you sick of her? You have to say what you feel and what you think, and do it in as few words as possible; you’re not auditioning for the theatre, you’re dumping somebody. All the women we’ve asked say the words and reasons you give are going
to be scrutinized over and over by both her and her friends, and they’ll be looking into every syllable of every word like biblical scholars for at least a few nights. You have to be as clear and as unambiguous as possible, because unless you’re running for high office no conversation you’ll ever have will be more twisted, beaten and pressed out of context. Talk slowly and carefully, and don’t allow yourself to be
misunderstood either.

#4. Don’t Hum and Haw about it.

You’re a man of action and this is an action anybody would want to put off, but the
absolute most cowardly thing you could ever do is treat her like shit and try to get her to break up with you. There’s plenty of reasons why this is counter productive and awful, but the most important is that it gets you acting like a jerk in front of your mutual friends. Nobody in your circle is going to recommend you for (or look at you as) a good dating prospect when they see how you treat women you’re with, and if you do end up getting your wish, all anybody is going to say is “I would have done the same thing”. It’s also worth mentioning that acting like a piece of shit is a tough habit to get out of once you’re in, so don’t start.

#3. This is not a job for Social Media

As tempting as it must be to pull the trigger on a breakup over a text message, it’s not acceptable under any circumstances. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, it really doesn’t, even if you have to drive all night, you have to do it in person. If you’re overseas, orbiting the planet or being held hostage in a basement, then a phone call will do, but under no circumstances whatsoever should you ever text, fax or email a breakup. It’s too easy, and the story that comes out about the breakup won’t be about how she threw your dog off a balcony, it’ll be about how you broke up with her via Facebook update.

#2. Be Nice.

You’re essentially rejecting someone, but you really don’t have to be a dick about it. Look them in the eyes, keep your voice calm and down, and don’t get angry, sharp or condescending. You may not be ending it on a high note, but whether or not you end it on a classy note is up to you, and that may not always be easy because you’re
going to have to….

#1. Be prepared to Eat Shit.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. For those of you not literarily inclined, what the playwright was trying to say is that the devil himself doesn’t even know how to get the kind of mean your new Ex is capable of. A woman can ruin your life in all sorts of creative ways you and I would never even think of. She’s like a one-woman FBI that’s seen you naked, so tread carefully and if she starts ripping into you, resist
the urge to bring up the ways in which your conversations feel like fucking a cheese grater and take it like a champ. The last thing you want to do is throw gas on the fire. If the girl has any friends at all, they’re all going to be calling you a limp dick for at least a month afterwards. You can’t control it and it’s ok because you’ll probably have as many friends wanting to get you drunk and tell you how much better off
you’ll be now anyway. You likely won’t be getting out of this easy, but like we’ve said, if you comport yourself well, that’s what the people who matter will remember when it’s all said and done.

Subscribe

Get the latest Swagger Scoop right in your inbox.

By checking this box, you confirm that you have read and are agreeing to our terms of use regarding the storage of the data submitted through this form.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*
*