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A Sex-Message in a Bottle
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Sailun Tires

The men of Swagger have to tip our hats to the boozy pioneers at G-Spirits who, for
breaking the mold and going where no alcohol brand has gone before. For about a
buck-fifty a pop, they diligently run their fine vodka, rum and whiskey across a pair
of model-grade tatas before bottling and shipping it to a liquor store near you. You
can even enjoy a picture of the model who generously donated her breasts to the
cause on the label of your bottle, and drink well knowing that even if you strike out
tonight, your taste buds are getting to second base regardless.

In that same spirit of alcoholic innovation, Swagger has dreamt up a wish-list of 5
Babe-infused liqueurs we鈥檇 like to see on the market. We鈥檙e always thinking about
naked women when we鈥檙e drinking anyway, we might as well taste them too.

All Patents Pending鈥

SSENSE GLOBAL

Taylor Swift Strawberry Wine

America鈥檚 country-singing sweetheart promises to swim around in vats of cheap,
sweet vino wearing nothing but cowboy boots, a snorkel and a smile. It doesn鈥檛
actually taste any good, it鈥檚 embarrassing when you鈥檙e friends catch you drinking it,
but, if for only for a minute, you can imagine you鈥檙e the guy out there that will finally
mend her perpetually broken heart鈥 after that Kennedy kid gets through with her
that is.

The Celine, Shania and Alanis Hail Caesar!

This most Canadian of pre-made, plastic-tasting cocktails gels perfectly with the
prepackaged, plastic-sounding melodies of Canada鈥檚 triad of chart-topping, too-old-
to-be-considered-attractive divas. The good people at Mott鈥檚 could have the girls
strip naked, admire each other鈥檚 鈥渂rave鈥 genitals, sing a slow love ballad and cry into
every open vat of clam juice and vodka before it鈥檚 bottled up and sent into the world,
destined to be a consumed amongst the lonely divorcees and perverts the world
over.

Shannon Elizabeth Ouzo

Everything that was good about highschool, wrapped into a bottle of liquorish
hooch that only teenagers and old, bitter men drink, splashed all over the massive,
beautiful fake boobs of the woman of our 90鈥檚 dreams. Ms. Elizabeth鈥檚 turn on
American Pie could have made a blind man see, and a bottle of the questionable
Greek stuff can turn the lights right back out again. Immediately after it became a hit
on the market, the Ouzo would refuse to take it鈥檚 top off, and expire promptly on the
shelf, destined to become a memory of a simpler age.

J-Lo Booty Baileys

It鈥檚 been something like 15 years since Jennifer Lopez鈥檚 ass was the toast of the
town, but it鈥檚 magically retained it鈥檚 caramel toned allure to this day! Imagine a

dose of that heat mixed into your morning coffee! Splash some sweet liqueur on the
bottom that confounded both Diddy and Ben Affleck, and you鈥檝e got a product that
can move mountains and still maintain it鈥檚 imaginary street cred.

Lady Gagabsinthe

Imagine it, you鈥檙e at a wild party and the girl you鈥檝e been talking up all night leans
in secretly and asks you if you want to try something 鈥渁 little different鈥. She pulls
out a green glass bottle shaped like two monkeys screwing with a sticker of Lady
Gaga where the balls should be. One sugar cube in a spoon later and the next thing
you know the 鈥淕reen Fairy鈥 shows her poker face and you have no idea what鈥檚 going
on for the next three days. Every bottle of the hallucinogenic hard stuff is wrung
through the panties of the weirdest bird in show biz, and it tastes the way the 鈥淏ad
Romance鈥 video looks. It鈥檚 not hygienic, it鈥檚 not particularly safe, but you can only
imagine the fun you鈥檒l have when you get your hands on it.

Written by Jeremy P Beal

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