5 Steps to Bedroom Bliss

1. Foreplay – Do it

I know, we jumped the pleasantries and landed straight on foreplay. But we only have 5 steps here and a tight word count, so don’t expect us to cover every little detail. You’re not paying us enough for that. In fact, it turns out you’re not paying us anything. Really?

To paraphrase Monty Python, there’s no need to stampede towards the clitoris (SFW). Kiss her, touch her – make her actually need you before you force yourself in there. Well, don’t force, but you get the picture. Prime the pump, fit in some nipple-play, and let nature take its course.

2. First Her, Then You

Selfless lovers are bullshit. We all want some strange – we all have a secret desire to be hog-tied and called a ‘naughty boy’, right? Forget that last part. Doesn’t matter – I’m not telling you to be selfless. Sex, after all, is a two-way street, full of accidents and dead bodies. Or something. Never mind that. What I’m saying is that if you want the best for yourself, give the best to her. First.  Go downtown, uptown, around back to the shed – it doesn’t matter. Bring her to a nice boil, then set her loose on your manbody and watch her go.

3. Do Not Let Her Cum

Yes, you read that correctly. Don’t do it. At least not right away. A lot of men are so excited at the prospect of their woman having an orgasm (the sexual Pokeroo) they immediately indulge the unfamiliar surprise at first glance.

Resist this urge.

If she’s about to go, dial back. Make her beg for it. Let her know you are in control of every aspect of that ****y. Dominate that ****y like Tiger. If she wants to finish, she’ll need documentation signed in triplicate to even broach the idea.

Now that’s Swagger.

4. Take Acceptable Risks

Women are kinkier than men, and they have needs they’ve buried so deep (thanks Dads) it’s up to us to dig them out. On the spectrum of risks to take with your woman, you should be able to assess which ones are more likely to pay off. If there’s something you want to do to her (gentle to medium asphyxiation is oddly and surprisingly effective) and you’re too afraid to ask (though we highly recommend asking), just gently go for it, dip your toe into the pool, and see how things proceed. If she doesn’t grab your manhood and rip it from your loins (this would be classified as an Unacceptable Risk), or more generously say ‘no’ (Acceptable Risk), then you’re probably good to keep going.

5. Accessorize

There’s a certain stigma around using an ‘accessory’ on your woman. What if she likes it better? What if it’s bigger than you? What if it becomes sentient and is a better interlocutor? What if it cares more and makes more money gambling online?

None of this matters. Luckily, a woman who loves you is a wonderful thing – to her, it doesn’t matter how much of a failure you are, as long as you’ve been following these steps and treating her right.

So why not introduce some accessories? It may be cliche, but it’s also very necessary to keep things exciting in the bedroom. After all, if it’s not exciting, why would you keep going back?

If you’re confident in your sexuality and ready to blow your woman’s socks out the window and over to the next town, we here at Swagger suggest the famous (and infamous) LELO Pleasure Sets.

Coming in both the Dare Me and Indulge Me options, these sets are Swagger Approved to leave your woman (or yourself, if that’s what you two are into) a quivering, ecstatic, beautiful mess.

Whips, cuffs, beads, massagerslet the games begin.

http://www.lelo.com/graphic/LELO_IndulgeMe_PleasureSet_contents.jpg

 

Just remember – she doesn’t cum until you say so.

Swagger.

 

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