It’s not uncommon to feel intimidated when pursuing successful and accomplished women.
High earners, the logic goes, likely have even higher standards when it comes to relationships. For some men, the prospect of dating a wealthy woman can be highly intimidating–they often feel like they need to be extremely rich or successful to even consider pursuing an accomplished woman.
In reality, however, things are not so simple. It turns out that accomplished women actually look for a wide array of characteristics in a partner. While individual preferences can vary, there are a number of traits that are commonly sought after.
“There’s a lot of mystique built up around dating successful women–those who might be ‘out of your league,’ so to speak,” says Barbie Adler, Founder and President of Selective Search, a top luxury matchmaking firm whose innovative ‘Meet Your Future’ process has introduced over 4000 happy couples. “However, after decades in the matchmaking business, I’ve learned that many wealthy women tend to look for a fairly consistent set of personality traits in a partner. I think it’s helpful for men to know these traits, since this can help them feel more confident and assured when pursuing a successful woman.”
The Makings of A Match
Career-minded women often seek out men who compliment their passion, ambition, and drive. While financial success may play a role here, the underlying personality traits associated with success are ultimately more important. For women who have achieved prominence in their own careers, having a partner who is similarly active, dedicated, and hardworking helps create a baseline of mutual understanding and respect. This shared understanding allows each partner to push the other to be his or her best self, creating a flourishing and mutually supportive relationship.
At the same time, work-life balance is extremely important for accomplished women, and many tend to seek out commitment-minded men who are focused on more than just their careers. They often look for men with a variety of pursuits and interests beyond their work and, in some cases, those who are ready to focus on starting and raising a family. This comes along with a desire for traits such as kindness, openness, and strong communication skills, as these are all necessary for creating stable partnerships that stand the test of time. Busy women value their time immensely, and they want to ensure that they are devoting themselves to someone who is equally devoted to them.
“While successful women are deeply dedicated to their careers, they are not defined by them,” says Adler. “They are not looking for a business partner, but a life partner–someone who can provide them with a sense of warmth and stability in the middle of their busy lives. It’s the non-quantifiable traits, like compassion, humor, transparency, and loyalty that really make the difference in the end.”
Meeting the Standard
For men who may feel intimidated by the prospect of dating successful women with high standards, it’s important to remember to validate yourself first and foremost. Elevating your own standards can also raise the likelihood that you will end up in a relationship that fulfills you. This is not something that people do because they are selfish, but because they want to live a life guided by their values and goals, and they want a partner who honors that. Believing that you are worthy of a loving partnership will help give you the validation and confidence you need to become the kind of person who achieves a long lasting love.
A good way to clarify your own standards is to write a list of the qualities you look for in a partner. Drawing from your own past experiences in relationships (including close friendships), think about the values and qualities that are important to you, what you hope to get out of the relationship, and the kinds of behaviors and experiences that make you feel happiest and most alive. This list should not be treated as a finish line, but a starting point, open to revision as you meet new people and try new things. Knowing what you want out of a relationship prevents you from measuring yourself according to other people’s standards and increases your likelihood of connecting with a person who has similar values.
It’s also important to remember that not meeting someone else’s standards does not point to any defects in yourself but to a simple incompatibility. Think of it like musical taste: if a die-hard country fan doesn’t like a hip-hop song, it doesn’t mean it’s bad hip-hop–it just shows that it’s not their preferred type of music to begin with. Rather than getting discouraged about your differences, try to solidify your own values and focus on being the best version of yourself, as this will help you be ready for when the right person finally does come along.
“While it’s important for men to try hard to understand successful women’s standards, it’s equally crucial that they don’t lose sight of their own,” says Adler. “Being clear and comfortable with your own standards boosts your confidence and helps you become more selective with who you choose to pursue and date, making it more likely that you will end up with someone who is compatible. Don’t write someone off as being ‘out of your league’ before knowing what league you’re actually in!”