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Drunk Outside the Box: Swagger’s Guide to Bachelor Party Planning

Sailun Tires

Golf, Steakhouse, Strip club. It is a formula that has served Post-WW2 North American bachelor parties extremely well. There’s nothing wrong with it, it does not require any tweaking as a template for an acceptable, enjoyable evening of excess, but there’s a problem.

The problem is that by the time you’re in your thirties you’ll have gone to dozens of these, rinse, dry and repeat parties as you fire your buddies off into the nuptial hereafter one by poor sodding one.  The GGS is good, but when you’re charged with throwing your buddy a party so good he’ll be ok with one-woman sex for the rest of his days afterwards, you’d better make it good. With that, Swagger presents five new ideas to bring the bang to your buddies final night of freedom.  Remember, somebody should be behaving responsibly, but not him.

#1. Las Vegas:
This one is only a few degrees shy of the GSS in terms of predictability, but it’s a classic for a reason. You will spend money getting there, eating there, gambling there and indulging in every vice we have a name for there.  But, when you come up for air and see the stars, feel the desert around you and ingest the spinning lights and sounds that the town does better than anybody else, you’ll get it, every Western man should walk the strip and be a part of it.  Take your man of honour and as big an entourage as you can manage for two nights, one to get shit-faced, and one to take in exactly what little corner of the world is all about, and then get shitfaced.


#2. Paintball:

This can fit into single day party nicely.  To the uninitiated, this might seem a little bit on the juvenile side, but if you’ve gone before, you already know what an amazing time running, hiding and safely murdering your fellow man can be. It’s absolutely astounding how quickly you learn teamwork, courage and machismo when you’re swearing a sweet mask and under fire from little plastic balls of pain.  Win or lose, you’ll get an adrenaline rush and a good afternoon of exercise to make your night even better. Just remember, if you’re doing this alongside dinner and the peelers, make sure to arrange some showers before hand.  May the best Doc Holliday impression win.

#3. Skydiving:

Wherever you live, you’re no more than a few hours drive to a place where they’ll put you through a day’s worth of pseudo-training and then throw you out of a perfectly good airplane strapped to a dude with a handlebar mustache.  You’ll drop for the lesser part of a minute, open a parachute and sail you down to terra firma below.  Then you can spend the rest of the evening talking about how big your balls are, and how alive you feel when you’re cheating death. This one’s on most people’s bucket list so you can kill two birds with one stone pretty easy, the only thing is, since it was your idea, you might be obliged to go first.

#4.  Canoe Trip:

Now, I’m partial to this one, this is where my friends took me, but if you spend a few days touring the great outdoors combined with a few nights tearing up a campsite and emptying your load of its heavy liquor bottles, and the weather at least half agrees with you, you’ll have one hell of a time. The important thing to remember after coming out of the woods after any length of time is to hit the gentleman’s club right away.  No woman will ever look as good naked as they do after you’ve spent a weekend in a tent with your buddies.

#5.  Box Seats

No matter who you are in this world, you’re only a degree or two of seperation away from somebody with access to box seats of your Groom-to-be’s favourite team.  Beg, borrow or steal, but make it happen, you’ll get credit galore for having pulled it off, and of course extra points for sneaking strippers in.

If you’ve been charged with arranging this get together, it’s probably a safe bet you know him well, so take our advice or some up with something yourself, the important thing is to make it memorable, do away with the same old-same old.  You’ll be amazed to find out one say that your share of bachelor parties, like college girls, is finite, so make the most of them.


by: Jeremy P Beal


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