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Preventing the 7 Year Itch

Sailun Tires

We鈥檝e all been there. After the honeymoon phase is over, you fall into a mundane routine of everyday life with your partner. Work, kids, meetings, sports. You鈥檙e tired, overworked, and undersexed. You both never seem to be 鈥渋n the mood鈥 at the same time and when you do finally get on the same page, sex feels more like a means to an end rather than an intimate, satisfying experience.

But it doesn鈥檛 have to be this way! With a little creativity, effort, and an open mind, you and your significant other can avoid the infamous 鈥渟even year itch鈥 and embrace a strong, intimate connection that withstands the test of time.

What is the Seven Year Itch?

This isn鈥檛 exactly a technical term, but most married couples can relate to the 鈥渟lump鈥 they feel around this time. After seven years together, the excitement has fizzled, you鈥檝e likely added kids to the mix, maybe moved into a bigger home or changed careers and taken on more financial debt and stress. The thrill of afternoon delights and staying out until the wee hours of the morning are all a distant memory. You may even look at your partner and think, 鈥淩eally? This is who I married?鈥.

If you鈥檙e having these unnerving thoughts and feelings, the first thing you need to do is take a deep breath and stop feeling guilty. While the name suggests this dip in intimacy occurs at the seven-year mark, it may be different for you. Some people experience it much sooner while others later and the lucky ones, maybe never! But if you鈥檙e having doubts, you鈥檙e not alone.


Here are a few tips for combating these unsettling feelings and breathing new life into your marriage.

Consider What Else Might聽 Be Causing You to Feel 鈥楽tuck鈥

鈥淚t鈥檚 not you, it鈥檚 me鈥. It鈥檚 a lame excuse some people use during a break up but it may also be the key to self-reflection. When you find yourself stuck in a rut, your first instinct might be to blame your boring, lackluster marriage. While you should be happy with your union, it shouldn鈥檛 be your only source of happiness or self-worth. In fact, your own discontent with yourself and your accomplishments might actually be the source of your slump.

All too often we project our own feelings and problems onto others. Before you blame your significant other for your lack of motivation, look deep inside yourself. Is something else causing you to feel listless? Lack of confidence, unfulfilled dreams, regret, or a dead-end job are just a few things that might be causing your unrest. Once you identify and address these, you may discover newfound happiness and excitement in outside relationships — including your marriage.聽

Remind Yourself Why You鈥檙e Grateful for Your Partner (and Tell Them!)

They say the grass isn鈥檛 always greener on the other side. Instead of thinking about all the things your partner isn鈥檛, why not focus on all the things they are, including why you married them in the first place. Sit down and make a list of all the things you鈥檙e grateful for in your partner. It could be something simple like, 鈥淗e kisses me before work everyday鈥 or 鈥淪he makes sure I always have clean laundry.鈥 These small gestures are often overlooked and come to be expected instead of appreciated.

After you make your list (which will probably be longer than you realize), share it with your spouse. Let me see all the things, big and small, they do on a daily basis that you鈥檙e grateful for. Discovering a newfound appreciation for one another will help you see your relationship and circumstance as one of good fortune rather than a prison sentence.

Make Time to Talk and Touch

Communication is key in any relationship — especially a marriage. When life gets in the way, it can be difficult to make time for simple, yet meaningful conversations, let alone physical contact. Make an effort to talk about what鈥檚 on your mind, whether it鈥檚 venting about your boss, discussing mom-drama on the playground, or your desire to try something new in the bedroom. Schedule 10 minutes each morning to chat over coffee or a few moments before you both fall asleep. Sometimes, these are when the most intimate and telling conversations take place.

Not all communication is done by talking. Physical contact with your spouse is crucial for maintaining intimacy and a sexual connection. The seven year itch is often marked by a lack of sexual excitement. Try spicing things up by leaving your partner naughty notes, buying flattering lingerie, or even sharing an erotic audio sex story that depicts a few new moves you鈥檇 like to try. Keep your partner鈥檚 likes and comfort level in mind when deciding how to turn up the heat under the sheets!

Remember, the Honeymoon Phase Isn鈥檛 Meant to Last

As thrilling as the honeymoon phase is, it鈥檚 not meant to last. Over time, what starts as a hot, 鈥渃an鈥檛 keep my hands off of you鈥 type of desire slowly grows and transforms into a more stable, secure relationship. The sort of bond that you can only share with someone when you鈥檙e totally vulnerable, open, and raw. It鈥檚 the type of love that develops over time. And while there may still be a small piece of you that mourns the loss of hot car sex and all-nighters, there鈥檚 a certain sense of peace that comes with a stable marriage.

But it鈥檚 not all about emotions. Biologically, that overwhelming sense of romance and sexual desire is unsustainable long-term. This euphoric part of a relationship generally lasts two years. After which it鈥檚 replaced by the more sustainable, attachment phase. Instead of viewing your predictable routine as boring, consider it a solid foundation of support and unconditional love. Security, friendship, and commitment are more important and sustainable, long-term.

Happiness Beyond the Seven Year Itch Is Possible

You鈥檝e probably heard of the seven year itch and maybe even experienced it without realizing. Heck, they even made a movie about it! It鈥檚 when the excitement of a new relationship fades and you find yourself stuck in a rut. Except, maybe it鈥檚 not a rut after all. Relationships are designed to grow, change, and evolve. Instead of trying to make your marriage something it鈥檚 not, start appreciating it for what it is. A lifelong commitment and bond with someone who knows and loves you on the deepest level imaginable. That, in itself, is pretty darn sexy if you ask us!聽


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