One of the classic movies on ideal love, The Hairdresser’s Husband (1990), begs audiences an important question: is it possible to be in love, butterflies in tummy and all, when you are in a long-term relationship? The first stages of love, notes psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner, is the ‘velcro stage’. During this time, people are very much in tune to their partner’s needs, wants, and desires. As time goes on, both this sense of nurturing and the spicier side of romance (i.e. sex) tend to decrease in intensity. The good news is that recent research shows that love, romance, and passion, can last… follow these tips and keep it 100% with your partner in the long term!
Trying Something New is Key, In and Out of the Sack
One secret to keeping sexual desire high, is taking part in ‘self-expansive activities’ together. These activities are new, different, and exciting. They include skydiving, travelling to an exotic country, trying out a new martial art – anything and everything that varies from your routine. New and challenging activities have the ability to ‘expand the self’ and heighten sexual desire. Of course, you can always dabble in new bedroom activities too, or take it outside the bedroom. If you have always wanted to have sex in a public place, make love on a private island, or have a threesome and your partner feels the same, this could just be your own personal definition of expansion!
Share Your Fantasies
There is a strong relationship between fantasy and sexual desire, in that the former can fuel the latter. This is the case for both men and women, because fantasy essentially boosts the type of brain activity that puts you in the mood for love. Researchers note that fantasy helps lower performance anxiety in bed and makes sex itself more pleasurable. If you have never discussed your fantasies with your partner, why not do so during your pillow talk hour, sharing just one fantasy and going from there? You may be surprised to discover that your partner shares a few of your deepest hidden desires! Another idea is to discuss some of the most common fantasies held by men and women. These include giving each other oral sex, masturbating, and including a third party into the picture.
Keep it Tactile
Feeling nurtured and desired is a psychological thing, but it is also a physical one. Recent studies have shown that simply holding hands can ease pain and sync brain waves between two people. It also enables their heart and breathing rates to synchronize – sounds very romantic indeed. Touching is particularly important if your partner’s ‘love language’ is that of physical affection. According to ‘love language’ theory, each person has their own preferred means of showing and receiving love. Many people need frequent touching to feel close to their partners. Caress your partner while they are carrying out a household chore, tickle them with a feather when they are napping, or give them a massage with flavored oil, making sure the product is in your favorite flavor and scent.
Keeping the flame burning may be difficult, but it definitely is possible. By embracing new experiences, sharing fantasies, and being affectionate, you stand a good chance of staying emotionally close as well. If you have children, make sure to set aside a little time just for yourselves. Romance is a thing we all crave but like all things of value, it takes planning and commitment. Thankfully, sex is also one of the funnest and most fulfilling things in life.